Things to Consider When You Get a “Bahir ka Rishta”

Getting a Bahir ka Rishta can be both exciting and daunting for Pakistani girls and their families. On one hand, it opens up a world of new possibilities, while on the other, it brings with it an unending list of unknowns and uncertainties. It's natural to feel a mix of emotions when considering a "bahir ka rishta" (proposal from abroad). In this blog, Shadiyana will explore some important factors to consider when you find yourself in this situation, helping you make an informed decision that's right for you.

The Most Exciting Time!

Getting married is one of the most exciting and well… let’s face it an awaited time of everyone’s life. Parents start thinking about this day since the day daughters are born. And as daughters, we are prone to planning our wedding day a million times in our heads. Every time a trend changes, so does our wedding day in our day dreaming. But we’ve all heard some heart wrenching stories about horrible experiences that girls had to face when they got married off abroad. 

Although the laws are stricter and more in place in a lot of foreign countries. But humans are no different. You cannot use a power you don’t know you have. So if you’re not aware or informed, these laws won’t be able to do much for you. So before you blindly say yes to a proposal, just because they say the guy is well-settled abroad. Please consider a few things that might save your life one day. 

Background Check

Before moving forward with any proposal. Whether it’s from abroad or someone living in the neighborhood. It's essential to conduct a thorough background check to ensure your safety and peace of mind. While there is a limit to your capability of doing a background check, at least you won’t be surprised about something major later on. Here are some steps you can take to conduct a background check:

1. Ask for References

   Request references from the potential spouse and their family members. Speak to mutual acquaintances or family friends who may know the family or have information about them. Ask around in their neighborhood about the general things of the family.

2. Social Media Presence

   In today’s time, one of the benefits of social media is that you can have an idea about their personality and traits. Don’t forget to check the potential spouse's social media profiles to get a better understanding of their lifestyle, interests, and values. Look for any red flags or inconsistencies in their online presence. See their friends and the types of activities they put out on the media.

3. Online Search

   Conduct an online search using the potential spouse's name to gather more information about them. Look for any news articles, public records, or social media posts that may provide additional insight. Some people like to maintain their blog page or a public profile. Look into them deeply. 

4. Professional Background Check Services

   Consider using professional background check services to gather comprehensive information about the person and their family. These services can provide details about their employment history, education, criminal record, and more. In fact things like whether the person has been married before or has kids or any one of their parents was married before or not. Moreover, the exact date of birth, etc. can also be verified through NADRA records. 

5. Meet in Person

   Whenever possible, arrange to meet them and their family in person. Use this opportunity to ask questions, observe their behavior, and get a sense of their character. Do not fall for someone only through pictures or over phone calls. Try to arrange a few meetings before you say yes to the bahir ka rishta. It is not hard for people to visit Pakistan once a year. So make sure when they do, you meet them personally. Things can be different in person because you get to feel their vibe in real life. Anyone can pose stylishly in front of the camera these days. Their real persona may be a lot different than that. And don’t be scared! You may be extra lucky if they turn out to be even better in real life. 

6. Seek Advice

   Don't hesitate to seek advice from trusted family members, friends, or community leaders. They may be able to offer valuable insights or guidance based on their own experiences. An even better way would be to get in touch with an acquaintance or any institute from abroad. Try to find out their record there as well. Because you may be able to get hands on their information here. But now they may live a different life, at a different place. So try to find that out. 

By conducting a thorough background check, you can ensure that you're making an informed decision and entering into a marriage with confidence and peace of mind. Remember, your safety and well-being should always be a top priority.

Understand Your Priorities

Before you make any decisions, it's essential to take some time to reflect on your own priorities and values. What are your long-term goals and aspirations? What kind of life do you envision for yourself? Consider factors such as career opportunities, lifestyle preferences, cultural differences, and personal compatibility. Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. What's right for one person may not be right for another. So choose your own right!

Family Considerations

In Pakistani culture, family plays a central role in decision-making, especially when it comes to marriage. Before accepting a proposal from abroad, it's crucial to have open and honest discussions with your family about their expectations and concerns. Consider how a move abroad would impact your relationship with your family and how you would maintain those connections from a distance. 

Cultural Adjustment

Moving to a new country means adapting to a new culture, which can be both exciting and challenging. Take some time to research and learn about the culture, customs, and traditions of the country where the person resides. Consider how comfortable you would feel living in a foreign environment and whether you're prepared for the cultural adjustments that come with it. This is essential to save yourself from any cultural shocks.

Financial Considerations

Financial considerations are an important aspect of any marriage, especially when it involves moving abroad. Consider factors such as the cost of living, healthcare, education, and job opportunities in the country you’ll be moving to after the wedding. Discuss your financial expectations and goals with your potential spouse to ensure you're on the same page.

Think Positive but Be Smart!

Effective communication and compatibility are key to any successful marriage, regardless of where you live. Before making a decision, take the time to get to know your future spouse and build a strong foundation of trust and understanding. Discuss your values, goals, and expectations openly and honestly to ensure you're compatible in the long run. And most importantly don’t forget to be positive. Once you’re done with all these then don’t let negative thoughts distract you. Do your best and then leave the rest in Allah’s hands. Pray for your good future and peace of heart. Start with a positive outlook on life.

Getting a proposal from abroad can be an exciting opportunity, but it's essential to approach it with careful consideration and thoughtfulness. By considering factors such as your own priorities, family expectations, cultural adjustment, financial considerations, and compatibility, you can make an informed decision that's right for you. Remember, it's okay to take your time and ask questions. This is a decision that will impact the rest of your life, and it's important to make the choice that feels right for you.

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