Do’s and Don’ts for an Arranged Rishta Setting

The ultimate guide to surviving an arranged rishta setting!

When you think of an ‘Arranged Rishta Setting’ do you cringe or get nervous? Arranged rishta setup is one of the ethical norms in a desi culture that can be awkward or exciting – any number of things. The first ‘arrange’ rishta setting can make you nervous, but it won’t last for long if the conversation and the vibes are right. Unfortunately, during the whole rishta process, there’s a lot of pressure to just say ‘yes’ to someone.

But remember, arrange marriage is not a forced marriage; you might feel like you have no control over that process, take a deep breath and assert yourself. It’s good to ask questions and get to know each other better.

Here are some of the effective tips that you can follow to survive and ace an arranged rishta setting.

Do's for a Successful Arranged Rishta Setting

Be Friendly

One of the most elements is connection. Being friendly and behaving well improves communication and makes a positive impact in a great way. It also paves way for open communication. One may have a rough day at work, so the act of simply smiling or being friendly leaves a great mark of you in the other person’s mind.

Be Well-Dressed and Present Yourself Properly

Dress to impress! Being well-dressed expresses yourself and reflects your personality. It takes a glance, for everyone in the room to assess you, especially in an arranged rishta meeting and leaves an impressive first impression. Get going by dressing up well and using an elegant perfume to smell good. (wink wink*)

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Bring a Gift when Visiting

Bringing a gift is an adorable gesture and makes a good impression since it’s an arranged rishta meeting, it is important to show proper etiquette. You don't need to bring something expensive or extravagant.

Start with a Light Conversation

Remember, it’s not an interview or a formal meeting. Keep the conversation as light as possible, instead of asking curious questions. Start by telling a joke, a funny event or by complimenting the person you’re meeting. It’s a decent way to start a conversation and later, go with the flow and be you.

Be a Good Listener

Good listening skills are very essential for a healthy relationship. When you listen to someone with attention, you establish mutual respect and goodwill. The more you listen attentively, the more freedom the other person finds in talking about their life.

Come Prepared with a Series of Questions

To precede the conversation forward naturally, keep a set of questions ready at the back of your mind. Be very natural in your approach. Questions should be about life, career, family, finances, desires, dreams or expectations. Share your honest opinions and don’t be too pushy in asking intricate questions if the other person seems uncomfortable answering them.

Talk About Yourself

It is important to introduce yourself as well. So, your conversations should not be one-sided. Try to share things about yourself, your likes and dislikes, choices and interesting things naturally throughout the conversation. State some facts that the person doesn’t know about you. Since you’re planning to spend your life, show that person the real you.

Share Hobbies/Interests

Whether you’re an animal lover or someone who loves to paint, sharing hobbies and interests is a fun way to get to know someone. People who share common interests tend to have healthier relationships. Arranged rishta setting is a meeting where you can share all of your interests and likes with your future partner. This will make you get to know each other well.

That was all from the tips and bits of advice for a successful arranged rishta meeting. Now let’s have a look at the things which you’re not supposed to ask in an arranged rishta setting.

Don’ts for an Arranged Rishta Setting

Arranged rishta setting puts us in a situation where you might pose awkward questions when you ask questions that should be voiced. But many of us are not aware of what not to ask. Here we have a list of questions that are not only rude to ask, but disrespectful too.

Do not Comment on Their Physical Appearance

Commenting on someone’s looks, height, weight, complexion or overall appearance damages one’s self-esteem. Thus, leading the other person to feel insecure or body shamed, which is disrespectful. Our desi society takes out flaws and according to them, fair complexion scores higher than bronzed skin. Each must fit within the ‘goldilocks proportion’ – not too high, not too low – as determined by our beauty standards.

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Do not Ask if They Will Support Family Financially

Talking about finances is a tricky thing. For example, if your partner is the only child of his parents, there are chances he would manage his family finances. After all, one can’t ignore their parents and needs. As it’s a sensitive topic so tread with care.

Do not Ask about the Salary

One common practice that is not considered disrespectful is asking the person about his salary. Asking about salary in the arranged rishta setting falls straight up in the gold digger category and is not the right question to ask.

Do not Ask Her about the Dowry

Asking about wedding gifts and dowry is not the right thing to ask in an arranged rishta setting, as it can turn off everyone's mood.

Do not Ask Your Partner to have Kids Right Away

Having children is a very important decision. This decision depends on you and your future partner. Unfortunately, in our desi culture, people often pressurize females by saying that their mother is ailing and wants them to have kids. Just so she can hold and play with her grandchildren.

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And finally, everyone deserves love, respect and is worthy of a genuine and healing partnership. Just because you are introduced to someone through your family or they seem great to everyone including your family, doesn’t mean you should immediately say yes. Understandably, the idea of choosing a companion to start a family and spending the rest of your life with is an important decision.

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