Conversations You Need To Have With Your Future Spouse

Marriage is a big step one should only take if one are fully ready to accept the responsibility that comes with it. Thanks to revolutions, we live in a new era today. An era where you can have real conversations with people you are about to marry.

There are things that you need to set right and be on the same page with when you’re getting married. Marriage requires permanence, and there are important questions that should precede wedlock. If there’s one thing Shadiyana is good at, it’s advice. We’ve gathered some important questions that you would want to ask your partner before signing the papers. The idea is to get an idea about their personality and form an opinion; whether this is a marriage you want to be in or not.

  1. Marriage itself
  2. The first and foremost conversation that you should have, is about marriage. Everyone has a different perception of marriage, it's limited to the ones they have been exposed to. Your partner’s idea of marriage may deviate greatly from yours, as both of you are coming from different households. Both of you have experienced marriage differently. So, it’s important that you ask them about their take on marriage, their expectations, their responsibilities, and such. It is of utmost importance to ask them why they're getting married. Make sure that it is entirely their own decision and has not been forced upon them in any way, shape, or form. Discuss each other’s expectations from the marriage and get a clear idea of whether you are willing to meet their expectations or not.

  3. Priorities
  4. If the idea is getting to know your partner better, what’s more suited than knowledge of their priorities.

    After all,

    “Your priorities are your character.”

    Priorities dictate what’s important to a person, what they would rather spend more time and effort on. It’s important to know where your partner’s priorities lie when it comes to marriage. A lot of marriages fail because of flawed priorities. People tend to prioritize work over family and mix the two which leads to discord. So, it is important to ask each other about your priorities, and which ones you’re willing to compromise on for the sake of your marriage and family.

    Asking them about their work-life balance is also essential. Find out how invested they are in their work, and how much they are willing to invest in the marriage. Ask them about their 5-year goal, where you lie in it, whether its strictly work-oriented or has family squeezed in as well.

  5. Families
  6. Families play a key role in shaping your marriage and the path it is going to take. Undue correspondence of families can lead to conflicts.  An ideal marriage is one with more peace than love. It is built on mutual respect, for one another’s opinions, beliefs, and values. Marriage consists of compromises, but the compromises need to be complementary. Discuss each other’s families, and how much role they play in your lives, and how much importance they will have in your marriage. Ask them about their take during conflicts, if you decide to be a single unit against the entire family or if they leave you standing alone.

    Another important conversation that you need to have is about the living situation. If you are a person who prefers their own space, then joint family is out of the options, and make sure you let the other person know of this preference.

  7. Values
  8. “It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.”
    Roy Disney

    Values shape personality. It is primal to understand where the other person is coming from, what their religious beliefs and values are, in order to form an opinion about them. Understanding core values and figuring out if you can adopt their values is vital to your marriage. Ask them about their values, which ones they are not willing to compromise on, and see if you can work with that.

  9. Religious Beliefs
  10. Religion is necessary.

    “Your beliefs become your thoughts,
    Your thoughts become your words,
    Your words become your actions,
    Your actions become your habits,
    Your habits become your values,
    Your values become your destiny.”

    This is an important conversation that you definitely should have with your partner. Ask them about their religious beliefs, how much they know about their religion, if they are religiously inclined or not. This is important not only for you but for generations to come, as you raise your kids on the same beliefs and values that you have been raised with, so it is necessary that you are on the same page with your partner when it comes to religious beliefs.

    You also need to ask them about rights, if they know what their rights are according to their religion, and what yours are.

  11. Finances
  12. Marriages hold a lot of responsibility, one of which is managing finances. If you are someone who earns their own bread and butter and wants to be independent, then make sure you let your partner know about this from day one. Plan out how you want your future finances to go beforehand, whether you want to split responsibility or not.

  13. Boundaries
  14. One of the most uncomfortable conversations that you can have with your partners but one of the most important ones as well. Make sure you are vocal about your boundaries from the start, what you are comfortable with, and what bothers you. Let them know about your expectations and find out about their expectations. Also, be clear about what pace you want your marriage to go at and ask them if it is the same for them.

    Respecting boundaries is a key identifier of trust, and if you don’t have trust in a relationship, you have nothing. So make sure they understand your boundaries and respect them fully.

    Another important factor that needs to be discussed is past relationships. If they affect you or your partner, whether or not you’re willing to let go of them. Also be clear about the fact that the marriage is reciprocative, if you’re letting go of something then they are too, and you’re comprising then you expect the same from them.

  15. Expectations
  16. Ask them about their expectations from the marriage. A lot of times, marriages fail because couples cannot meet each other’s expectations. So, it is better to ask them about their expectations prior and figure out if you are willing to match up to them or not.

    Ask them about their expectations regarding you as a partner, regarding jobs, and balancing the in-laws.

  17. Kids

Last but not the least, you need to talk about family planning. If you are a guy, you need to ask your partner whether or not they want to have kids, and when. You need to find a way to respect their decisions and see if their plans align with yours.

You also need to ask them if they are mentally ready to handle the responsibility of children and a family. You should also discuss how you want to raise your kids, what environment do you want to provide for them.

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